R.I.P. dear sweet Rick Da'Beard

This week the world suffered a great loss... Rick Da'Beard suffered a deadly clipper accident and was taken from us before he ever had the chance to grow and flourish as a beard. I know my life will never be the same and he will be sorely lost.

I know Rick is in a better place now and is watching over us all.

Braaawk DInochicken!

It's a goddamn dinochicken! With a goddamn bacon and bourbon tree! The Mesozoic was SO RAD!!!

Mack Messer is a pretty funny dude

My buddy made this web comic. It's currently as unsuccessful as my unsuccessful blog but I'm sure soon it will be very successful because he's a smart funny asshole who draws smart funny pictures. Go check it out and go on his twitter and like his shit or something so he will make more neato comics.

This is where you should go because I friggin said so.

Oh... And someone buy me a stylus so I can draw better pictures

Check it!

I got this buddy and this buddy is hosting my unsuccessful blog or... Whatever it's called so you can find me at www.bubblesvoncolorsaurusrex.com (that's a gorgeous mouthful) AND I got an iPad and then I got sketchbook pro thanks to that same buddy so now I can draw pictures of dinosaurs with MY GODDAMN FINGERS!!!

So... There's a little update for ya.

Ooh and I can't figure out how to upload a picture and I'm getting pretty frustrated and The Walking Dead is on so... Next time!

BIG NEWS!

I'VE FOUND LOVE! 

We all know that for the past several years I have suffered greatly over the loss of my poor sweet Philip *(pictured below)



Philip De Rossi

 Yes... it's been a long, lonely road until a special man stepped out of my dreams and into my... computer. Ok ok so nothing's perfect...



<3 <3 <3

 Mutumbo Alexandre Von Moneybags is an exiled prince from Nigeria who emailed me one day needing some help with his frozen bank account.  We really hit it off...  We email several times a week and just talk about any ol' thing! Unfortunately I keep my money in a coffee can buried somewhere on my expansive property because I don't trust banks (bunch of crooks) but I am thinking of FINALLY opening a bank account so that Mutumbo can transfer his hundreds of billions of dollars into my name and fly to America so we can live happily ever after.  Keep ya posted.  This is a very difficult decision for me but I really feel ready to jump in head first with both eyes closed.

Ok so with that said on to my issue with my neighbor...

He's SO grouchy!  All he ever does is sit on his porch with his green Mr. Rogers style cardigan on and shout at the neighborhood kids.  My issue, of course, is not with this old gent shouting at kids.  I give myself...mmmm... 3 to 6 more years until I myself am shouting at kids.  My issue is that because he's old and crotchety the kids aren't afraid of him and actually COME AROUND to taunt him to get him all worked up.  Mr. Ocht really ought to hit them with more things.  I may start leaving canes on his porch... or whips... or mace.  Here's a picture I snapped of Mr. Ocht shouting at the neighborhood kids.... old bastard...

Anyways I think that's it for tonight... Hope you liked my pictures and am SUPER excited that everything in my life is awesome!  Right...

More things I hate next week probably.  I do hate the shit out of some shit ya know...


*My dear, sweet, Philip De Rossi. Playwright of the infamous "Whispering Back Seat Betty Does Kalamazoo" and "Auber-Gene, Auber-Gene, Have You Seen My Eggplant!?", Philip truly found his calling as a model- you may recognize him from the board game "Guess Who", to which he lent his visage. I am still greatly distressed by the death of Philip some twenty eight months ago when his ship sank off the Cape of Mediocre Ambition. I shall never love another... Italian...

Things I Hate vol. 4 and stuff

Hi folks!  I am... 4 hours and 20 minutes away from vacation and my brain is about to explode mushy grey matter all over my computer monitor.  Blood, guts, brains... the whole 9.  Won't my coworkers be surprised!  Several things in no particular order:

1)  Everyone thinks of me when they see kayaks.  I WIN.
2) I'm going to Tennessee in like 15 hours and I am so excited I might die which would be terrible because then I wouldn't be able to go to Tennessee. 
3) Here are some thing I hate to keep the fires of odium burning in your little teeny black hearts until I return:

revolving doors

I don’t trust them.  They’re just standing around, being all “look I’m clear and three people can walk through me at once” but I know what they’re really saying it “come inside me so that you can trip since you can’t take a normal step and then I can CUT YOU IN HALF MUAHAHAHAHA”.  Sickos…

snowdrifts-

facebook updates left and right brag about the snowday but your slave driver of a boss calls you in.  You grumble your way down the front walk, shovelling half-heartedly (just so that you can get to your car), lamenting the fact that life could be so unfair as to snow 36 inches in four hours AND expect you to go to work (what is this?  GERMANY 1943?), and then you misjudge the dept of that last step and BLAMMO…

So there you are.  Snowdrifts... obviously backlogged from the horrendous winter we had.  But since we just had a hurricane (measly little tropical storm got everyone all freaked out...) I think most of you can agree that weather is abhorrent and must be stopped at all costs.

And since I'm in such a good mood about my vacation (read: about to barf everywhere because I am so anxious about driving 14 hours to CAMP FOR FIVE FUCKING DAYS WHAT IN THE HELL WAS I THINKING I HATE BUGS AND NATURE SO FREAKING MUCH:KDJFS:LKJSDG) that I'm going to leave you with something I love.  Actually... several things I love.  AND these things don't even rocket out from the murky depths of hell (the ocean) to murderize cute squiggly seals and stupid surfers (which are a lot like kayakers but usually better looking).

CUTTLEFISH!!!

Here is an adorable baby cuttlefish looking innocent

Here is a wizened old cuttlefish looking disappointed in you

Here is a cuttlefish looking sad and possibly a little sleepy, how I feel most of the time when I'm at work.

And my personal favorite.  I call this "Curious Cuttlefish and Social Anxiety Cuttlefish".

Things I Hate vol. 3 and some other stuff as well

1) I have one (1) follower.  That is awesome.  Know what else would be more awesome than that?  Having MORE than one follower. 

2) Today I received the most wonderful post on my facebook from a most wonderful life long friend who, as we grow older, I am realizing is just as unpleasant and misanthropic as I am which is why after 20+ years of coming and going from the lives of one another, we will probably always be lurking somewhere in the others' unfriendly subconscious.  The note went something (exactly) like this:

 Yesterday, I saw some douchebag with an unwieldly trailer loaded with kayaks and other crap weaving through heavy traffic on the highway without even using a blinker.  I thought of you and cut him off, using my blinker of course.  It was a WWBVCR do? moment.

 This makes my little black heart all a-flutter... knowing my hate is infecting other hateful people.  Before long, my hate will hopefully also be infecting normal, right-thinking individuals.

3) THINGS I HATE.  What I really really REALLY hate is when all my co-workers go on vacation in the same week and leave me with a mess of crucially important, time sensitive projects to be completed (atop all of my other important, time sensitive projects on which I am tasked to complete every week anyways).  This week's projects will consist of merging, printing, addressing, stuffing and sending two important mailings which need to be completed by Friday.  Though this isn't hard work... there is a lot of it. 

WAH.

Since it's difficult to draw things like "I hate doing more work than usual because my coworkers are off jaunting around the country" or "I hate when people are having a good time and I'm not", I'll just leave you with a few other things I hate.

meteors

Bigger assholes than the Nazis

“that’s the worst…”

Guess what?  Godzilla trumps paper cut.  So does flood damage, flat tires and dead goldfish.

hidden birds

You’re just walking along through a parking-lot, minding your own business, maybe going to WholeFoods to buy some free range tilapia burgers if you’re pretentious, and suddenly you hear them… what sounds like hundreds to possibly even THOUSANDS of birds.  But where is that sound coming from?  You scan the parking-lot but you see nothing… except a lush tree on a small island several feet away and suddenly you notice that the lush greenery is moving and chirping and you realize that there are 125,099 birds hiding in that tree just waiting to get you.

 So there it is folks... another riveting installment of things I hate.  I'm sure after this week there'll be plenty more things.  Gosh I hate things. 

Until then... here's a picture of something I DON'T hate!

AWEEEEEEESSSSOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEE!!!

Things I Hate Vol. 2

It's Thursday but I swear it should be Friday.  My brain has long since melted and oozed out my ears, nose, and mouth into a pile of goo on my desk.  To celebrate the fact that I am basically a walking zombie running on only the knowledge that I need to finish a number of things before this week can end I will give you another Thing I Hate.

captcha

I spent the first 17 years of my life comfortably certain that I was not a robot.  Then, in 2000, four supergenius’ at Carnagie Mellon University invented the CAPTCHA (which stands for Completely Automated Public Turing Test To Tell Computers and Humans Apart) – which by the way should be CAPTTTCAHA but someone I guess figured that wasn’t as catchy – and I started to question myself.  I can’t read a CAPTCHA.  I have to refresh the damn thing 2 or 3 times before I get one that I can at least guess at, which always leaves me feeling a little bit hollow and a lot bit worried that I might, in fact, be a robot after all.  I mean it’d at least explain my lack of ease with natural human emotions. 

 So there you go... I freakin' hate CAPTCHA.  Make me wonder if I'm a person will ya?! 

I'm going to start working on my plans for a badger cannon tonight.  Check back soon for my progress.

Things I Hate vol. 1

We all know that I hate a LOT of things... it's really not something I try to hide.  In fact, most of you know that "hatehatehatehatehate" just kind of runs on a subconscious loop behind any of my other thoughts.  It is ALSO also not a secret that many of the things I hate seem kind of ridiculous to those who don't understand what it is to hate things with such fervor and completeness.  For that reason I have begun illustrating some of the things I hate with explanations so that you, the lay person... flitting through life completely unconscious to the fact that you can hate so much at any given time, can begin to see life through my eyes and possibly bring a little bit more hate into your day.

surprise spider

Like they’re not creepy enough when you know they’re there!  Surprise spiders lay in wait behind closed doors or under pieces of paper just WAITING to jump out and attack you with their scariness.  No joke… a surprise spider made me drop my toothbrush in the toilet last week.  I could hear it laughing.

kayakers

You like hiking too… don’t you?

So there you go... my first two installments of Things I Hate.  Right now maybe these pictures mean nothing but I bet the next time you're driving down the highway and you see some RAV4 with a kayak strapped to the roof you'll say "Ugh... Jenny HATES kayakers" and then... maybe after the 3rd or 4th time you see a kayak you'll say "Ugh... I HATE kayakers" and then before you know it you'll be hating things like a pro.

Don't worry... there'll be more things you didn't even know you could or should hate right around the corner.

Drum roll Please...

It only took me... mmmm... two weeks but here it is...

Drum roll please...

A BUNCH OF THINGS YOU'VE PROBABLY ALREADY SEEN! *hissscreamcheer*

Date Unknown-
An early work... I LIKE COLORS!!

Date Unknown (2008)-
My first dinosaur. As you can tell- volcanoes, a wicked awesome sun guy and dinosaurs really are my inspiration

Date Unknown (2008) "Fancy Luau"
This was my first foray into costumed dinosaurs.  He is wearing a top hat, a lei and a hula skirt because clearly he is dancing a very fancy hula with that fish.

Date Unknown (2008) "Dino Dance Partay"
I am especially proud of the turban.  I really would like to thank Melissa Izzo for the turban inspiration and Peter Chenot for always believing that I could draw a turban on MS Paint.  In case you didn't realize, the music notes connote dancing.

Date Unknown (2008) "Dino Beach Party"
In this picture we visit our dino friends during their spring break.  Spring break in the mesozoic era wasn't much different than it is now, right down to the runny hats and beach volleyball game.  I'd like to extend special thanks to Sarah Kronenberg for helping me perfect the sombreros in this picture.

Date Unknown (2008) "Portrait of a Successful Dino"
This is my first attempt at a dinosaur portrait.  Although I believe that I successfully captured this dino's professional side with the suit and all, I find the lack of detail in the background makes portraits less interesting pieces for me to work on.

Date Unknown (2008) "Pretention"
My newest work was inspired by several things including our bartender calling out of work at the last minute, and a play we're working on at the theare, as well as the patrons driving me insane.

Date Unknown (2008) "Zombie Patrons: a public service piece"
Although this picture does not include my normal dino muse, I feel it is just as important as any of my prior works.  This is really a public service piece- basically this is what you look like to the people who give you tickets at the theatre; remarkably like a vampire that is about to zombie my face.

7 February 2008 "Dinos Hate Cities"
The drab, smelly, completely unattractive streets of New York on a rainy day are my inspiration for this piece.  Why do cars have to beep constantly, even when there is no traffic?  Because New Yorkers are assholes.  And no... there are not enough volcanoes in that city.

13 February 2008 "Rainy Day Dinos"
Unfortunately we may be seeing a "gray period" in my work.  Hopefully I am only being glum because the weather has been completely uninspiring lately.  And yet, I have a new piece to show... so perhaps the rain has inspired me after all.  I am especially fond of the umbrella hat my Longneckosaurus has on his head.  I think you'll all agree that it points to my problem solving genius when faced with the issue of creating an umbrella for a dinosaur with no hands.

14 February 2008 "T*Rhino"
Commissioned by Miss Brittany Barberino, this new work was originally inspired by a subtle mispronunciation of the word "rhinoceros" by a drunken acquaintance.  So why is the word pronounced "rhi-nah-ser-us" as opposed to "rhi-no-soar-us"?  Because a Rhinosaurus doesn't exist. Idiot.

21 February 2008 "Untitled"
Clearly this ought to be an ad in The New Yorker, but until I am discovered by those morons, I will simply have to continue devoting some time and energy to art based on my absolute favorite dairy product.

28 February 2008 "Melissasaurus Rex: Sickius Maximus"
A tribute to my poor, sick Melissa. I'm glad she's not vomiting anymore, but her croup-y cough is still pretty gross.

29 February 2008 "Dino Jug band"
Although I have been experimenting lately with different scenery and even different characters, I find that a return to the old sunny, volcano-y, Mesozoic-y Dino scene can be very refreshing.  I feel strongly that if dinos had opposable thumbs, they would have definitely played the fiddle, doombucket bass, washboard and rigged up a holder so that Longneckosaurus could play the jug.  Artistically, I chose the Longneckosaurus to play the jug because everyone knows that Longneckosaurus' are of lower intelligence and serve best as primitive rhythm keepers.
*Edit: To date this is still one of my favorite pieces!

29 February 2008
Not art as much as a musing... I think it's true though.  Wouldn't that be cute?

1 July 2008 "Heart Attack"
My first piece in quite a while, but since things here at the ol' office have calmed down long enough for me to get my artistic groove back, if you will, I thought I'd share this with you.  Not my favorite.  The drab color scheme of the Long Wharf Theatre makes me want to die.  Literally just die.

16 September 2008 "Heads in Sand/Heads in Tar"
Inspired by my dear friends down at "Heads In Sand", this work really makes me think...no...FEEL how much nicer it must be to have your entire body buried in the sand with only your head sticking out; as opposed to your entire body sucked into hot, sticky, stinking tar with only your head sticking out and your best friend Mr. Longneckosaurus dead right next to you starting to stink with his bulging tongue sticking out.

Much nicer indeed.

24 June 2009 "Dinos in Blue and White"

Tagged on a bathroom wall at Snapper McGee's in Torrington, CT.  Sometimes Ms. Von Colorsaurus Rex likes to give back to the little people.

7 December 2009 "Dino with a Pearl Earring"
After a long artistic hiatus, I have returned with one of my favorite works to date.  The Dino with a Pearl Earring tells a story of passion and innocence, femininity, sexuality, and fear.  I hope you are as pleased with me as I am with myself...

9 April 2009
A quick sketch of the Jimasaur eating a unicorn for stealing his phone charger.  Clearly based in reality...

Date Unknown (March 2010)
A table doodle of a colorful dino... the spots look like sores.  I'm not impressed.

Date Unknown (March 2010)
This is a quick sketch of two lovely dinos: the Jaredsaurus and the Caseyosaur.  Both are in their natural environments as the Jaredsaurus is playing the upright bass, smoking and drinking beer, and the Caseyosaur is falling down the stairs.  The poor Caseyosaur was one of the first to go extinct, as it was not very well developed or particularly good at things that were useful in it's survival.

18 April 2010
Not so much art as a scribbling whilst waiting for my super trendy vegetarian lunch at which I ate something they claimed was "Tempeh Bacon" but tasted more like BBQ potato chips with the consistency of God knows what.  Anything, pictured is the Spined Bulbousaur, a rare rainbow vomiting Unicorn and a hunting party of Jackalopes.

18 April 2010
Many people probably don't know, but both Unicorns and Jackalopes have been around very much in their current form for millions of years- much like the alligator and the shark.  Although some evolutionary changes have occurred, such as the Unicorn becoming evermore self-important and entitled, physically these animals look very much as they did back in the prehistoric times.

Furthermore, because Unicorns are very rare and are usually only found driving their over sized gas-guzzling SUV's to park across two parking sports at WholeFoods because they only eat organic because they "really care about going green and the environment... and stuff", many people don't know that the Jackalope is their natural predator.  It's true!  You might say "but Bubbles, the Jackalope is so small and the Unicorn is so large!" Well, as we've learned from our dino friends, hunting in packs can be very useful for smaller carnivores. (Sidebar: Jackalopes are omnivorous, only eating Unicorn meat or vegetation.)  A Jackalope hunting party will usually consist of 4-8 adult Jackalopes which work together to converge on a herd of Unicorn, forcing them to flee.  Undoubtedly a baby Unicorn, or sometimes even a full grown adult will be separated from the pack, which can then be overpowered by the fierce jaws and powerful hindquarters of the Jackalopes.

18 April 2010
Close-up of a Jackalope

20 April 2010 "Dino of Guadalupe"
What can I say... I'm freaking brilliant.

I began a scene of the sighting of the Dino of Guadalupe about a year ago but my computer crashed after a good 3 or 4 hours of work (which will teach me to ever put in that much time and effort without saving my work...)

21 April 2010 "Jackalope vs. Unicorn"

20 July 2010 "Marilyn Mon-Rex"

Pop-art motha lova.  Eat this Andy.  You ain't got nothin' on BVCR!  No for real though... I'm an artistic genius.

5 August 2010 "Dino Tea Party"
Colored Pencil on cardboard box top.

Captions read:
Giraffe: Hey guys!  Can I come to your fancy tea party???
Dino: No way Giraffe, you don't even exist!!!

5 August 2010
Close-up of Dino Tea Party

5 August 2010
Close-up of Dino Tea Party

2 September 2010 "Hipstersaurs"
This is a prime, scientific rendering of two hipstersaurs - a male and a female specimen - in their chose habitat. Most hipstersaurs are born in small towns and then migrate in their early adulthood to settle in unhip sections of cities.  Their diet consists mostly of PBR, hotdogs, and other things that would make their parents grimace.  Fashion - particularly looking ridiculous in hightop sneakers, neon windbreakers, too tight pants, and flannel shirts - is a good way to identify the hipstersaur.  Also, they may be shopping at American Apparel, complaining about their parents, talking about music that no one has ever heard of before (and for good reason), or posing for "spontaneous" photoshoots that make them look fun, interesting, and a bit off kilter.

Hopefully the hipstersaurs' reign in popular culture will be short-lived.

23 February 2011
New Species found in UTAH - Brontomerus Mcintoshi (nicknamed "Thunder Thighs")

22 February 2011
A commissioned work - Party Flyer

They're paying me in cheese puffs...

19 May 2011 "Velocirapture"
Ink on Velum
Inspired by the insanity that was "Rapture Scare 2011"... this is what I'd like to scoop me up and bring me to heaven!

WOW so there it is... the last three years of my work all in one place.  I'm goddamn prolific!!