BIG NEWS!

I'VE FOUND LOVE! 

We all know that for the past several years I have suffered greatly over the loss of my poor sweet Philip *(pictured below)



Philip De Rossi

 Yes... it's been a long, lonely road until a special man stepped out of my dreams and into my... computer. Ok ok so nothing's perfect...



<3 <3 <3

 Mutumbo Alexandre Von Moneybags is an exiled prince from Nigeria who emailed me one day needing some help with his frozen bank account.  We really hit it off...  We email several times a week and just talk about any ol' thing! Unfortunately I keep my money in a coffee can buried somewhere on my expansive property because I don't trust banks (bunch of crooks) but I am thinking of FINALLY opening a bank account so that Mutumbo can transfer his hundreds of billions of dollars into my name and fly to America so we can live happily ever after.  Keep ya posted.  This is a very difficult decision for me but I really feel ready to jump in head first with both eyes closed.

Ok so with that said on to my issue with my neighbor...

He's SO grouchy!  All he ever does is sit on his porch with his green Mr. Rogers style cardigan on and shout at the neighborhood kids.  My issue, of course, is not with this old gent shouting at kids.  I give myself...mmmm... 3 to 6 more years until I myself am shouting at kids.  My issue is that because he's old and crotchety the kids aren't afraid of him and actually COME AROUND to taunt him to get him all worked up.  Mr. Ocht really ought to hit them with more things.  I may start leaving canes on his porch... or whips... or mace.  Here's a picture I snapped of Mr. Ocht shouting at the neighborhood kids.... old bastard...

Anyways I think that's it for tonight... Hope you liked my pictures and am SUPER excited that everything in my life is awesome!  Right...

More things I hate next week probably.  I do hate the shit out of some shit ya know...


*My dear, sweet, Philip De Rossi. Playwright of the infamous "Whispering Back Seat Betty Does Kalamazoo" and "Auber-Gene, Auber-Gene, Have You Seen My Eggplant!?", Philip truly found his calling as a model- you may recognize him from the board game "Guess Who", to which he lent his visage. I am still greatly distressed by the death of Philip some twenty eight months ago when his ship sank off the Cape of Mediocre Ambition. I shall never love another... Italian...